Defensive Pessimism

You know, it should be illegal for me to try and think when I'm tired.
I get so pessimistic, and things bother me too much.
Although, I consider myself a defensive pessimist.
I don't expect things to work, then when they don't, I'm not disappointed.
That is a hard habit to change, you know...
I'm not sure, even, how to change it...
I'm sure things are going to work out between R and I... I won't let it be any other way. I feel too safe with him... Starting another relationship, creating the trust, and getting to know another person from ground up would just take too much out of me, I think... R is safe, and he loves me. What could go wrong about that?? Plus, I guess it's better for our kids if we stay together...
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It's 102 degrees with a 36% humidity level... Would be nice if I had my air conditioning fixed... R keeps telling me that he can fix it, he just hasn't got around to it yet... Can't afford to pay someone to do it...